


purple rain

by jeonghansus (braverygasm)



Series: seventeen drabbles [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:05:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braverygasm/pseuds/jeonghansus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> i never meant to cause you any sorrow<br/>i never meant to cause you any pain<br/>i only wanted one time to see you laughing<br/>i only want to see you laughing in the purple rain </i>
</p><p>au; jeonghan never wanted to be seungcheol's weekend lover</p>
            </blockquote>





	purple rain

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty so i started writing this on impulse about two hours ago partly bc i'm sad abt prince's death and kcon ,, it's a whole big thing w/e. i have so many better, happier ideas for jeongcheol fics that i've been working on for forever but basically this is just a badly written drabble of pure angst bc i'm an Angsty Teen™ so enjoy ig
> 
> //slight warning for (sry idk how else to say this) the word sl*t used in a negative connotation
> 
> inspired by purple rain by prince (i recommend listening to the song while reading bc the lyrics rly fit and also might explain some of the more ambiguous aspects(?))

Mingyu and Seungkwan walked into Jeonghan’s apartment to find the eldest balled up on the couch, arms wrapped around his legs, knees tucked under his chin. His hair was falling in his face, making it impossible for them to read the boy’s expression.

“Hyung?,” Seungkwan started, treading lightly for the fear that Jeonghan may be angrier than he seemed.

Instead, the black-haired boy simply raised his head at the sound of Seungkwan’s voice. He quickly stretched out his legs, turning his head to the side and presumably wiping away the tears staining his cheeks. Without a moment's hesitation, Mingyu came over and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s waist before sitting down on the couch and placing him in his lap. Jeonghan didn’t seem to have much fight left in him, evident in the way he almost immediately sighed and tucked his hair behind his ear, settling into the familiar comfort of his friend’s embrace.

The elder’s eyes were red and puffy and his breathing was slightly uneven as he avoided eye contact with either of the boys at his side.

“We… uhm… we heard,” Mingyu began. Jeonghan scoffed, smiling bitterly which made Mingyu wince and instantly regret his choice of words.

“Great. So, what do you think? You think I’m a slut, too?,” Jeonghan played with the ends of his hair distractedly, looking up for the reactions of his friends. He didn’t get much other than dropped jaws and wide eyes.

“Why would we think that? Who the hell thinks that?,” Seungkwan asked in disbelief.

“Just about everyone that knows. Soonyoung, Jihoon, obviously Jisoo. Probably Hansol and Junhui too, but I haven’t seen them yet,” Jeonghan mused, inspecting his hands, his tone turning shameful rather than sarcastic. It practically broke Seungkwan’s heart.

“First of all, Hansol and Jun would never. You know that. Jisoo- well, Jisoo needs time. And Soonyoung and Jihoon- I’m sure you misinterpreted, Jeonghan, you know they love you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not so sure about the whole love thing anymore,” Jeonghan said miserably. “I never knew love could cause so much hate.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“But I hate me,” Jeonghan concluded in a whisper, shifting around in Mingyu’s lap, pulling his knees up to his chest again and leaning into the taller boy.

Jeonghan breathed in and out through his nose for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts. He focused on keeping the tears out of his eyes and the memories that made his heart flutter out of his mind, for they only enhanced his guilt. Seungkwan took to petting Jeonghan’s hair, running his fingers through it in an attempt to soothe his friend. 

“He didn’t want that,” Jeonghan whispered, his cheek resting upon Mingyu’s chest as Seungkwan stroked the hair away from his face. “He didn’t want me like that.”

Neither boy said a word in response, deciding to let Jeonghan voice his thoughts no matter how miserable he sounded or how much it made their hearts ache.

“He doesn’t want me,” Jeonghan’s voice cracked on the last syllable, fist curling into Mingyu’s shirt as he tried his hardest not to cry in front of his friends. Seungkwan rubbed a hand down his back, seeking to somehow comfort the older boy curled up in Mingyu’s lap. 

“I’m so fucking stupid.” 

Seungkwan shook his head in disagreement. “Sometimes love can be blinding, Jeonghan. It’s not your fault,” he digressed.

“It is my fault. He loves Jisoo, not me. How could I be so stupid as to think that that one night would change his mind?,” Jeonghan could barely utter the last sentence, a lump rising in his throat at the memory of his stubborn hopefulness.

Mingyu took over stroking Jeonghan’s hair as Seungkwan curled into his side, continuing to rub up and down his back and holding the elder’s free hand in his own. “Have you seen him since…?,” Mingyu trailed off, not quite knowing how to word it.

“Yes,” Jeonghan whispered hoarsely, recalling the memory from earlier that day. Jeonghan hadn’t yet known all the damage he had caused and was almost confused by the way the elder boy glanced at him with sad eyes when they met in the corridor before looking away and leaving without a word. Jeonghan figured it had been out of awkwardness, but now that he knew what he’d done, he just couldn’t bear the memory.

The worst part was that he couldn’t even be mad at Seungcheol. He couldn’t be mad at Seungcheol for giving into Jeonghan, he couldn’t even be mad at him for telling Jisoo what happened. Seungcheol was only trying to be honest with his boyfriend and that- that was what hurt the most. The fact that Jeonghan could do this to such a good person, that he could inflict his own evil onto someone so perfect and pure. That hurt more than anything.

“What are you thinking?,” Seungkwan asked once Jeonghan had gone silent for a while.

“I’m thinking that I just broke up two of my best friends and lost both of them in the process,” Jeonghan said flatly. Saying it out loud made it seem so much more real.

“You didn’t lose them, Jeonghan. They just need time, and so do you. You need time to realize that this isn’t all your fault. I’m sure Seungcheol… did his part as well,” Seungkwan tried, to which Jeonghan laughed bitterly.

“But he wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for me,” he said, voice lowering in volume and conviction by the last word. The guilt set into his chest again, making his heart ache and tears spring back into his eyes. If only he could cry.

“I never wanted this to happen. I just- I loved him. I wanted him to love me back,” Jeonghan said slowly, voice wavering.

“We know,” Seungkwan muttered. A long silence followed.

“...I still love him.”

Rather than seeing them, Mingyu felt Jeonghan’s tears seeping through the fabric of his shirt.

“Yeah, we know.”

**Author's Note:**

> shitty ending ik. kudos and comments are always appreciated, thank you for reading :^)  
> edit: i've decided to make this into a series of unrelated drabbles so expect more soon:))


End file.
